The Tale of an ALS Survior #18

I Want My Life Back

I felt like I was coming out of the desert, my life had pretty much dried up. I thought.

That’s the tough part, we have to live with our thoughts. I have them so easily, I don’t even know where they come from. Some are positive and some are negative. I had a trick to deal with the negative ones.

My little trick was to say, Peace on Earth, that gave me a few seconds to break my train of thought and give me a chance to realize, I didn’t need to go there. I was only hurting myself with my negative thinking. This little trick saved me a lot of useless thoughts.

ALS made me feel isolated from society and my body. Losing my relationship with my best friend, my body, was frightening and painful. Being paralyzed is something no one would ask for, but it is also something that gave me time to get to know what my worth really was. I had always thought it was what I could do, but when I couldn’t do, then, what was I worth?

I came upon a spring in that desert. It was, for a better word, my Soul, that I was planning on meeting more closely when I passed over.

I don’t think I really had a balanced relationship with my inner self. I was a busy person, I have a lot of things to accomplish. One day sitting in my wheelchair I realized anybody could do the projects that needed to be done.

Then the thought came to me, I was the only one who could look in the mirror and acknowledge the Being looking back at me.
My ALS diagnosis gave me a heads up that I might be leaving sooner than I thought from this planet. In away it was a wake up call from my Spirit. Hello McFinn, out there, I’m lonely too. Let’s get together for a talk. My mirror was an active location for communication with my Real best friend, me. I was nervous at times seemingly talking to myself. It was powerful building my relationship with my Soul, that was looking back at me.

10/7/06 Spring Hill Physical Therapy
McFinn is making steady progress with improving strength and range of motion. Mobility has improved so that he is now walking with elbow crutches.

Treatment plan: mobility, strengthening, gait, range of motion, coordination and balance.

My first safe outing by myself. The last time I was out by myself was when I drove my truck down to the local store. I live in the mountains and our local store, Mother Truckers is everyone’s hang out. I would sit in the parking lot talking to folks who would stop by. One day I tried to drive home from the store, but when it came to making the turn off the main road, I could barely move the steering wheel. I know I shouldn’t of done it, but I was lonely and stupid.

Today I am going to drive myself to the Celtic Fair in town to watch Mona’s theatrical group perform their Play. With my elbow crutches I felt strong and FREE. I was feeling my oats, as they say. Out by myself for the first time in ten months. Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah. I can’t dance yet but I can sing a Happy tune. Everyone who saw me that day was amazed I rejoined their world again.

Where had I been???